wat the heck....

well, my title is ntg to do wif the post im gonna write..

i entered my 2nd week of work.. i went to my 2nd cf meeting.. and well, is about passion.. but, im not gonna tok anything bout that.. coz is not the things i've in mind now..

week is been tough on me.. i received jus so many news that im so discourage to hear, and i found out news that i really dunno how to react.. i really dunno, is that really wat God wants me to go thru?? is this the better way for me?? i really really dunno... the fact is, no one noes anything that God has in mind for us..

y do i have to go through this stage over and over again?? and the answer is DUNNO...

to tell the truth, i really hate the answer dunno.. and i really hate uncertainty in life.. even in my past relationship, i keep asking questions that "force" u noe who to give me an answer "dunno".. and i really hate that.. but the thing is.. dunno is the answer to many answers in life... we cannot escape that.. we have to received many dunno answers... for example, a very typical malaysian question and answer... "where to eat ah?? Dunno la..."... get it?? and really we jus have to go thru it no matter how much we hate it...

and now, im asking the same question again... will God answer me this time?? i dunno.. sometimes im jus do not listen to His still small voice... I do not keep quiet and have a silent moment wif Him... i keep on doing stuff, being distracted over things.. and i jus cant listen to Him.. wat a fool!!! im a fool!!! seriously, im really really useless.. i jus dunno wat m i studying for... most of my fren get satisfied when they get A's.. dats why they study.. most of them aiming for high pay, thats why they study.. i dun aim for anything, i dun get satisfied in being a A student.. i dun aim for high pay... y?? i dun have motivation to study sometimes... even i have, is onli for 15 minutes... dats all... i cant concentrate... no matter how hard i try, i jus cant... see how useless i am.. very........

haiz.. i dunno la.. wat motivates me?? I DUNNO!!!!

underdogs

seriously.. VBS, have really reminded me on giving our best when we do something.. in that show facing the Giants, we see a team, who is really the underdogs in the high school football something something, giving their best shot to beat most of the teams in the league.. and they won the state championships for 2 years beating the "giants".. they onli have 32 players, but the opponent have 85 players.. hahaha.. and it really thought me on if we honour God wif everything we have, everything we got.. God will do His part change things around.. some of the scenes really make me drop my tears.. seriously, i cried after that show.. realizing i've done things without giving my best.. i onli give until my limit.. but giving my best means giving everything i've got and push over the limit to achieve greater heights.. and dats the meaning of BREAKTHROUGH.. sometimes we thought we know our limits, but God knows our best.. and the other scene is when the whole football team began to accept Christ and believe in HIM.. they praise Him when they win, they praise HIM when they lose.. and God will bless those who honours Him.. and seriously, that touches me.. and my tears came down the 2nd time.. den comes the "football kicking straight" philosophy.. which is very very true.. though it sounds weird.. but it is so true.. u know the passage in matthew when they say the Wide gate is the gate that leads to destruction and many will find it easy to go through, but the Narrow gate is the gate the leads to life.. and few will find it.. to kick a football wide left and wide right is easy, everyone can do it.. but to kick a football straight, only afew are able to do it.. well, im not teaching false teaching here.. but when i began to think of wat it really means.. somehow i means that, for me la.. it means that is easy to stray away.. is easy to kick our lives wide left and wide right, and gone away from God.. but is not easy to kick our lives straight and following God's path.. and those who are able to do dat, are those who really honours God...

well, after that show.. i went behind to where the PA system is.. i sat down, and i began to cry.. i was so deeply regret on the things i've done.. the time where i thot my limit is my best.. and all sorts of things.. God really speaks to me... and i felt the peace is within me...... i felt joy, relived...

anw, beside spiritual stuff, there are underdogs beating Giants in EURO 2008.. let us began wif when Romania draw wif Italy and France.. a ciplak team, manage to draw wif the world champs.. really shocking.. next, Croatia beat Germany.. who will think will happen!!! next, Turkey beat Croatia.. and at this moment, most of the turkey player is either injured or suspended during the match wif croatia.. and Turkey is famous of bring death back to life.. when they lost 2-0 to Czech republic in the 1st half, they manage to chase back 3-2... and won.. when they are losing 1-0 to croatia, in extra time, they manage to pull level 1 minute later.. and finally won the penalty shoot-out.. is like wow.. and now Russia, whom players are not famous at all, except that Russia's jewel, BEAT HOLLAND 3-1!!!!! hahahaha... i was like.. football is really round.. no one thot Russia will beat Holland.. seriously, the score is like dis.. when Van Nestroy score at the 86th minute, Russia pull level before the games end.. so is a draw, then they score 2 goals in extra time to secure a win and set up a semi-final match.. ahahaha...

ltr, is a game of much excitement.. ITALY and SPAIN... to tell the truth, Italy will be the underdogs this time.. their playmaker, Andrea Pirlo was suspended.. their attacking midfield, Gattuso, was suspended as well.. and Luca Toni is on a goal drought.. so, who will win?? we dunno.. but we know that Spain has all the main players on 2nite.. David Villa n Torres.. they are so on for 2nite.. how will Italy do?? we shall find out..........

dunno wat is this..

started work on tuesday.. work in KDU.. met up wif maggie for lunch, yea, she dump all her frens there.. haha.. anw.. work was ok.. im shock i was quite efficient.. hahaa... manage to finish most of the stuff within few hours.. i myself oso cannot believe it.. haha...

den 2day i went to KDU cf.. seriously, the guitarist need to learn how to tune his guitar.. it was out of tune the whole time.. i was like... ARGH!!! wat is happening.. somemore, the beat all out of tune.. haiz.. nvm nvm... i shall not condemn anything or judge anything..

but i really thank God dat im still in a campus ministry when im working.. my desire is to serve in campus ministry and God has opened a way for me.. really greatful for dat...

VBS 2molo... haha.. going to be a long day.....

doggy..

who would wanna adopt a puppy will u pls tell me coz there is a puppy available.. all u dogs lover who loves puppy pls try and take care of this little cute animal...... thx...

Buffon the hero!!!

after cg, when back and watched the match between Italy and Romania.. it was so interesting.. Italy had alot of chances, but are not able to net it into the goal.. but, they still manage to draw wif Romania.. After that goal which really saddens d heart of all italian fans, Panucci manage to score the equalizer.. which i basically was shouting in d living room... it was not a really fantastic goal, but is a goal!!!.. really, he saves d day dat time.. But the real hero of yesterday match was Buffon.. when Romania was awarded the penalty, i was like, die lo dis time.. and i saw the scene where Buffon was laughing over the awarding of the penalty.. haha.. so ya, was very kan cheong that time.. but HE MANAGE TO STOP IT!!! haha.. really really a fantastic goalkeeper... one of the best in the world... but, i would say Romania goal keeper did a very good job in stopping Luca Toni, Del Piero, and Cassano yesterday.. Toni have lots of chances, but bcoz of the great goalkeeping, he is not able to score any... haha.. But, Italy is still on the run for the finals... but 1st, they have to beat France, and Netherlands have to beat Romania or draw wif them.. but, Im always an Italian fan... Go Italy!!!

My favorites player: Andrea Pirlo(midfield), Buffon(goal keeper), Luca Toni(foward), Gattuso(midfield), Del Piero(Forward)..... and if Totti was still around....

they show a great play yesterday.. especially crosses from Andrea Pirlo was deadly.. but is jus not their day.. well.. WAY TO GO ITALY!!!!!

other teams i support...
Spain (Fernando Torez)
Portugal (not bcoz of Ronaldo, but bcoz of Deco)
Croatia (coz they beat Germany kao kao)...

these are other teams i hope they can win the Euro Cup.. well, im not a Germany fan coz they quite suck.. hahaha..

FOR ASLAN!!!!!

went to watch Narnia jus now.. and i can say it is a very well done movie.. the christian principle behind it is really really encouraging.. it somehow tells me to trust God more den anyone else.. and went it comes to desperate situation, u can onli have 2 choices.. which is to go over to the dark side or wait for the light.. well the dark side will sure to lure us in... but, wif family and frens with us, we can stop those things..

it was great too bcoz i get to tells some of the christian principles to my non-christian fren who watched it wif me..

i wonder if let say they changed the shouting from "For Aslan" to "FOR GOD!!!!", it will be so much better.. when sometimes things looks terrible, like for those 4 kings and their troops which is very much lesser than the enemy, they believed that Aslan will come to save them.. well, not at 1st, but they came over to the light... so, when things looks terrible, WE STILL HAVE GOD to save us..

well.. dats all i guess.. coz really very tired.. and of coz, not enuf sleep and i have camp comm meeting.. die lo...

im not stupid 2....

Im not stupid 2, is a show which... i dunno how to put it in words.. but it really teaches parents and children to really respect one another.. i wont tok much on wat happen to those ppl in that show, but there are 2 main part in the show.. the 1st part is the parents nv have time for their kids.. they are so busy their work, and career.. they did not spend time wif them.. they jus thought that by giving them lecture, scold dem is good for their kids.. but, as kids grow older, they began to think more, and have their own mindset.. so, the moment parents scold, they will shut their ears, do watever way to get out of it.. coz they dun see it a point.. and in that show, the parents of this brothers are hypocrites in the sense, coz they say that they are not allow to use hp when they are having meals.. but, they still do the same thing.. which i think is really bad for the upbringing of the kids.. kids follow by examples.. they see what u are doing, and they will follow.. when they saw that the parents does not walk the talk, they will not respect them, coz is not worth it.. and when they do not found respect, love in the family, they began to look for outside and worldly things to fill all their inner feelings.. which some are bad if the company they mixed wif is bad.. somehow, they will treat their house as hotel.. home = house = hotel = jus go back and sleep.. dats the formula... In the end, with such bad influences, and parents does not noe how to communicate and do not noe how to praise their child wif the good things that they achieved, things are going to bad to the family, and when things gone bad, is really hard to bring the family back 2gether...

the 2nd part is about this boy who lives wif his dad.. single parent la.. so, his dad is brought up in a very violent family last time.. so most of the time, he will whack his son high and low, until the son really hates him.. this violent thingy began to fill the son's heart and he began to enjoy fighting... well, his dad was a gangster last time too, so he is good in fighting... well, to cut the long story short, he somehow got himself into trouble, and his dad saw it and came to the rescue.. and somehow, when he tried to rescue his son, he accidentally kena push by someone and fell down the stairs, which leads to hospitalized.. den, the son began to know that actually his dad loves him, but he jus dunno how to show it out.. eventually, the dad died, and the last thing he said to the son is that, "if u love fighting, make sure u fight in international level", "i love u".. den *toooooooooooooooooooooooooo*...

in the current trend of life, whether is in singapore or malaysia or anywhere else in the world, is the same.. most parents, i wont say all does not praise the child for the good things that they did.. dey onli rmb the faults that they do.. and as petrol price/bread/rice/electricity price increase, i believed parents will be more stressed out.. and they will work their hearts out to provide the best for their family.. i wont say is wrong, coz if they dun work hard, who is going to take care of the family.. but for family which have young children, or teens.. those kids need more something more than material stuff.. which is LOVE, RESPECT.. if they dun get all these from the parents, somehow or other, they will jus feel home = house = hotel = jus for sleeping.. and the family wont be strong...

at one point of my life.. i felt disappointed with my parents.. well.. after doing my Pre-U, i actually thot of doing sound engineering.. if u all dunno wats dat, is basically, doing mixing of tracks, recording, producing, and handling mixers and all... and of coz sound wave.. is jus a nutshell of wat that is.. so ya, i have that passion in doing those things.. but after much "persuasion" from my parents, which i think is quite true, i went to scotland to do actuarial science... but, somewhere throughout my studies there, i noe that or i realise that this is not wat i want.. den, when things got worst and harder, i began to failed, and lost interest in the stuff im studying.. when i came back, i tried to explained all these to them.. but, maybe is parents la, they try to ask me to go back there to study, or try to do a different course, but somewhat similar.. which is say, i really cannot cope.. den dey ask me wat i want to do.. i say sound engineering.. which lead to me being going through all the lectures and all again.. well.. dats the time things start to go from bad to worst for me.. somehow, i jus felt that im not in the family.. i jus felt dat im good for ntg, since my parents did not praise me or wat.. and im jus plain useless.. i rmb when i joined a band for competition, our band won... i was really really happy, and i really felt dat im so on top of the world at that time.. but, somehow, my parents was not there to support me that time.. well, after so happy for few minutes, i have to go back to study for my referral that time.. den when i reach home, i show them my trophy(to tell the truth, dat is my 1st trophy in my life), they jus say "oh, so now u happy, can go study now".. i was like........ argh... is really something so meaningful for me.... but now im jus ok wif it, coz i noe is them la... coz when things will start to grow numb after few times.. im not angry wif them or wat.. but, is jus some "memories" la...

there are some other things, which i think im not good at.. and after negative saying bout me from my parents, i began to felt that im really useless and all.. and dat time, i jus wanna get out of this world, and jus forget everything im stressed about.. and i began to be more quiet than usual.. and somehow, i jus kept every unhappiness in me, until one day i explode.. i mean really got so angry at my parents.. and the next thing is, followed by few series of cold war.. but somehow, children are the ones who will be blame for all this things la.. but, who will understand us??

the reason i wrote this is not to critised my parents or wat.. but jus some thoughts after i watched the show.. of coz there are few times i do not understand them as well, which leads to disaster, and of coz time have past.. so im ok wif it now..

if there is one question that says "who understands me, my problems and everything im facing??", the answer is God knows... even if ur parents does not knows, God knows... dats how i get my comfort from........

this post is long, and most of them are my thoughts.. and is very disorder coz is 3am in the morning.. so if u wanna read, thank u for ur patience.. coz i noe some part is very sien....

exhausted!!!

feeling extremely tired and exhausted.. the fact that i onli slept for 3 hrs really makes it worst.. haha.. i off my com at 3am.. lying on my bed.. turning here and there.. check my hp, is 4am.. well.. den turn here and there again, forcing myself to sleep... takes me one hour to really sleep.. which is at 5am... dream bout something trilling.. is me being a detective, wif a pretty girl sidekick, trying our best to stop a murder case to happen.. well.. it is to do wif time-machine kind of thing, and gundam robots.. haha.. i really dunno how to explain.. and within that 3 hrs, i woke up at 8am, someone's scream woke me up.. that was when the murder happens.. and seriously, it was maggie who scream in my dream.. ahahha.. sorry.. but dats the truth.. lol...

woke up, feeling extremely dizzy.. coz not enuf of sleep, go out marketing wif my parents.. din noe they were going marketing, jus follow into the car the knew bout it.. if not, i will not follow... haha.. go ss2 there... after marketing.. go makan bak kut teh.. which is quite sucky... den went back... around 12 something, went to pick up Luke and go HGC to have lunch wif those ppl.. yea.. ps ryan and the gang... so get to chat wif them, updates and updates.. and Ya.. i noe where im going to serve when i start back my course.. HGC started a campus ministry in ss15.. yes.. i will go and help up and serve there.. is my hope to serve under ps ryan again.. coz he really encourage me and really taught me alot of christian principles.. which really guided me until 2day...

anw.. after lunch, drop luke at kelana jaya lrt station, head on to giant to get drinks for the bbq.. reach home around 3 something.. well, thought of catching a quick nap, but my parents keep asking me to do dis and stuff, so cant sleep.. hahaha... so get ready, go pick rey and eu wei up, met up wif hoc mun near his hse there coz he dunno how to go mang eng's place.. so drive lo.. all the way............

well, the food was nice.. too much for me.. really full after makaning most of the stuff.. den we go play the dance dance revolution thingy... haha.. boon was so funny... haha.. well.. i hope is on you tube.. muahahaha... and yang too...

den chat a while.. den drive back......

really really tiring day...... and 2molo is church... no wait.. i mean 2day.. haiz... and somemore got tc student council meeting... haiz........!!!!

slow!!!

haiz.. something wrong wif the internet connection now la.. so freaking slow... haiz.. takes me forever to log on to this page.. haiz.. stupid...

anw.. planning to go out for lunch wif luke and raymond 2molo.. well.. its been.. dunno how long la.. maybe few months since i met them...

den at night, will go bbq in mang eng's place to celebrate boon boon's bday... well.. looks like 2molo is going to be a long day.. and petrol is going down for sure.. haiz...

later...

jokers....

1st things 1st.. my post 2day is ntg to do wif the title.. haha.. coz i run out of title.. so, simply put one.....

well.. ntg to write bout 2day... well.. though im on holiday now, but, things are pilling in fast.. have to quickly come out something for the pengkalan Hulu trip.. most likely will be in august i guess..

actually, im quite tired la.. though i slept most of the time 2day.. but somehow, is jus not enuf.. maybe i need to sleep more to forget somethings....

is been years... but, somehow, is hard to forget... ppl say time can let everything be forgotten.. but somethings, when its in ur heart, it will be there, no matter how long it has past....

i dunno wats coming in the future.. come to think bout, it, im scared.. but, jus hope everything will be fine..... i really dunno wat i will be next time..

but i think i hope... that i will enter hillsongs internation college, to do a diploma on worship.. well.. its something i really want to learn more about..

TC off day...

finally, after dunno how many months.. TC is off for 2day... i mean yesterday coz now is monday... haha..

2day worship was ok i think.. but someone gave me a good comment, so really thank God for dat.. and also one auntie actually worship God, even though the songs was quite new... haha.. really encourage to see dat.. dun think she will be reading this, but yea.. Auntie, thank u...

so after breakfast, hang around a while, get to chat wif Chen Wee's mum... den onli realise that Chen Wee is so good boy... haha.. wat a person to be an example for me.. but... maybe i have develop all my bad habits d.. so is hard to change.. ahahha.. well, normally ppl wont except much changes in their lives... dats why malaysia does not move forward... hahaha... yes, im one of them..

den, balik, tidur, wake up, download fantastic 4, sleep again, online, discuss where to go for movie and wat to eat, but as usual, we can onli decide on where to watch movie onli.. coz the food part is too hard to decide....

so, drive my SLK to pump petrol 1st, den fetch ms boon boon.. den go cineleisure there watch "wat happen in vegas".. something like dat la.. well, wont write on wat we did b4 the movie starts..

so watch dat movie, is the front seat, so my neck actually quite tired... hahaha....

enjoy the movie, and laugh bout it.. but malaysia censorship board is consider quite ok now.. not that strict as last time.. hahaha.. if not, they wont allow this movie to be shown in malaysia.. though i find it ok la...

after the show, we discuss our favorite questions... "where to go for dinner".... after much hesitation and all.. we finally decide to go to Old Town White Coffee... yes... the one near UTAR.. dunno why they like there, but there is the nearest wan i guess...

so went there, ordered my favorite food over there, which is Nissin Noodle, which is made out of maggie mee.. hahaha.. nvm bout dat... den we chat all sorts of things which cannot be written out here...

den after dat, fetch ms so-called leng lui back (ms perasan actually).. hahaha.. dun get angry k.. haha...

well.. felt tired actually now.. haha