somehow, i felt like im a hypocrite in someway... and is really hard for me to walk the talk.. and is really hard for me to keep up... i always tell ppl that trusting God, and surrendering our desire to Him, and letting God guide you.. but in the end, i din do dat.. i dun really trust God, i say i trust God, letting Him take control.. but still, i still take back the control over my life.. and I say I believe He is the King of Kings, Lord of Lords.. A mighty God, A mighty God who can break down my problems, who can solved my problems.. but when problems come.. i din trust Him dat He will solve my problems.. I jus din trust Him... and seriously, i really really cant take it anymore....
jus 2day.. when i was listening to worship songs dis morning while walking down the beach.. seeing and admiring His creation.. And i told myself, Im letting God take control over my life.. i will trust Him, bcoz he made those things, and He made me.. but jus when i reach KL, things start to pile up.. August is next month.. I have got my assignment due, my exam... and the Melaka trip which im really sorry for Grace who kena firing bcoz of my lack in planning... somehow, i jus wonder, am i really into planning?? am i into TC?? i really dunno.. but after planning for this trip and TC camp, i think i really need time to think of wat im going to do....
after going thru so many problems, so many dissapointment, being irritating.. and irritated of coz.. my brain really come to a point where it jus stop thinking... and seriously, i really messed things up dis few days...
with me now looking at 4 walls and all, i realise i have onli God to turn to in this present moment... maybe i din surrender my all to Him.. I din really give my life to Him.. And seriosly.. i need time to really ponder and reflect.. i jus want few days.. for me to really think of wat are the things i need to change...
i noe i make lots of ppl angry.. sometimes bcoz of my bad temper, my jealousy, my thinking too much, or jus being undecisive at times.. well.. i will really wanna change dat..
jus rmbered, cannot be self pity.. not being self-pity here.. but i think i really need time to really get off of this world.......
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letting God take control doesnt mean we sit there and do nothing.
we still try every single way to achieve the best, but we KNOW that whatever happens is under God's approval.
People always say we do the best and let God take care of the rest.
Sometimes we are placed in desert, to be tested, trained, sharpen, and shaped.
Shalom , God bless you brother.
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