my life kinda suck?

.... my life sucks.. i dunno.. feel weird again.. feeling those lifeless feeling again.. tired.. emo shit again... erm.. well.. dis is not nostalgic, but, really emo-ing.. its been awhile since i emo shit..

argh!! feeling empty.. i dunno le.. what happen?

my point of view..

something struck me.. been thinking on this issue most of the time.. is about whether should we force ppl to do something or let dem have the desire to do it.. well.. it may be work, relationship and God..

lets be spiritual for a moment.. God is one person, or one being dat would not force ppl to do things.. everything dat His people did for Him, is willingness.. He did not force ppl to believe in Him, He do not force ppl to serve Him. It is by His ppl choice to believe in Him, as we have the knowledge of good and evil, we are able to choose wat is right and wrong.. And in the beginnning, God gave human brains to think, to choose.. whether to obey Him or not.. but, humans failed to obey.. God did not force us to serve Him as well.. He did not say, "IF U DUN SERVE ME, U WILL DIE".. but it is by the gratitude towards what He has done for us, we serve Him with all our hearts.. and dats the greatest power of works, which is doing it without being force.. Serving God while being force doesen gives us great joy in what we are doing.. We are jus plainly doing for the sake of doing.. But, if we willingly serve

Him, we will enjoy everything that we do, being in God's presense, serving Him.. dats the greatest joy of serving.. for me of coz.. dats y, although being a leader in the worship team, i do not force my members to play.. I'll jus ask dem, u want to play or not.. if yes, im happy for u to join us.. If not, its ok.. go and do wat u like.. as i hate being boss by people around, i do not boss around..

about work.. Well, im working in an audit firm, which means, I have a boss, and watever the boss ask me to do, i will do.. coz, dats part of my job.. well, i realize dat, if i do not like wat im doing, i will be dam stressful and tired, though im not doing anything much.. i will start grumble.. and there is no joy in what im doing.. My senior ask me once.. do i really want to be in audit field? i really dunno.. i kinda like the job scope, but, being lazy myself, i hate working... but i got to work, as that is already "part of life".. i dun hate m

y job now, but i dun really like it either.. so, maybe moving into other fields, or being a muscians as i always dreamt of.. i really dunno..

about relationships.. U cant force ur partner to do things for u.. if forcing is being part of the relationship, it is good as ntg.. I noe of some relationships where the guy/girl have to "report" to the other half where are they, or wat they have done, or anything shit.. which i think is bullshit.. dis is practically not love anymore.. its like a duty, or routine dat u have to do.. i think, if u love ur partner, u will practically wanna tell her most of the things dat happens in d day.. where have u been and all dat.. ur partner wont have to force u to tell.. it basically does not comes from the heart.. which is not love anymore..

from all 3 points above, i make it a point not to force anyone to do things.. sometimes, i will set rules to follow (in ministry), and if dun follow

, den u noe la.. hahah.. but in relationships, there cannot be a rule around.. if u love him/her, u will trust her.. if he/she have cheated on u b4, and u are scared, u better find the best solution for it.. talk things out.. if not, if its worst, sad to say, the relationship will be dam freaking shaky, and u will not be happy anymore.. coz u will be thinking here and there..

btw.. im happy for both of my best frens whom get together recently.. well.. both guy and girl are consider my heng dai, and zi mui...

Zheng De, whom i know better during our 3rd year in Uni.. full of laughter and lame shit jokes.. genius in UWE class 2009.. partner in crime in many ways.. sitting at the mall with another shithead jus like me, talking bout life, work, and girls.. and yes.. we called ourselves the sampah masyarakat..

Elaine Wong, whom i noe since day one of uni.. can say, my zi mui in everything.. nice to be with, nice to bully.. haha.. sporting, dun care a

bout being at the losing end.. but hard to guess.. sometimes with emo faces.. weird eyes she got.. but, by all means, my best frens in times of need.. well.. both of dem are my best frens.. along with others..

Zheng de, Elaine..

and priesthead behind the camera..

~Priesthead~

another cny visit..

well.. for the 1st time in my entire working life, i finally went out with my colleagues.. haha.. dats true.. my 1st time going out with them..

fun, funny.. really nice.. well.. trying not to be anti social.. crack jokes with them, and being the photographer of the day, need to take picture of every single girl.. well.. coz, most of my colleauges are girls.. like i said in my earlier post.. well.. the onli guy dat when with me is my colleague's bf... so.. basically, im the onli guy from my company who went.. well.. like most post.. let the picture tell the story..

ladies from audit, tax, and secretary dept

Gan, Mei Ling, Jessie, Suh Hui (my right hand women who help take pic)

Rachel, Mei Ling, Gan, Chui Kim, Tho, Pei Shan, Angela, Suh Hui

The couple of the day.. (couples dressing)

CNY hols in sarawak...

after living on this earth for 24 years.. its my 1st time celebrating cny with my mum's side of relatives.. as in really 1st time.. not kidding or bullshitting..
i thought i will be bored, coz most of my cuzz are still small kid.. as in primary skul.. but somehow, it turn out great.. everyone mix around.. especially on the 2nd of cny, where everyone was present.. all uncles and aunties are there, all cousins.. everyone.. really enjoy those times bbq-ing stuff.. thx to my auntie who think of ways to get every cousin to mingle around, mix around.. and at the end of the day, 1st time in history, those of us who are older, went out for "lim teh" session.. really enjoy it.. joking around, fooling around, asking the deepest secret and all.. hahaha..

well.. its unforgettable.. well.. let the picture do the talking..

My uncle bought 6 of those

fire crackers!!

Family photo.. im behind the camera..

my crazy cuzzzzz!!

RBS..

i think.. after 6 years since my rbs days, i really missed those days.. days where we are without our phones, computers, internet, tv.. imagine calling back home using those phone cards.. how traditional is dat.. seeing 2day, how rbs have change the lives of the young ppl 2day, i remembered during my rbs days, when we were challenged to surrender our lives to God.. is not easy.. after my rbs days, i was on fire.. i mean, seriously on fire for God.. but, as times past, the fire began to watered down.. not so passionate about God, do things jus for the sake of doing.. not putting in any effort..

well.. i guess, its jus me.. chasing bout living happily ever after.. get a degree, get a job, get higher pay, get married, have kids, have grandkids, everyone is happy, im happy, den i meet God in heaven.. sounds so.. normal..

im ok in my work, but, i dun feel the passion in working as an auditor.. i dun feel d joy of working.. not dat im lazy, maybe im, but.. i dun have the thing for it...

i noe, as kids, we were trained to go for a good career, have a good family, to play safe, make sure u have enuf money to feed ur wife and kids, and bla bla bla.. i dunno.. but, i dun see myself able to chase all those things.. i felt.. shit.. confuse..

my senior asked me.. "wat do u want to do next time?" it got me thinking.. well, she can see dat im not really into the accounts type of person.. and i told her, music.. after rbs, or wait, after when i get back from scotland, i din noe wat to do.. i was den thinking of doing sound engineering.. layman terms, sound system, pa systems, recording, mixing of tracks, production dat kind of stuff.. listening to bands putting their tracks together, and making it sounds good.. dats my passion... but, it is not a "safe" job, where job opportunity is low.. well, got fired from my parents by it.. well, maybe dey are right, so well, here am i.. doing a "safe" job..

there are many challenges dat i face after RBS.. 1st thing when i get into the car, my mum asked, "now rbs is over, have u thought of wat to study?".. i really dunno.. i seriously dunno.. i have nv thought of doing wat im doing now.. checking accounts, rushing deadlines.. oh man... im sick of the thought of it..

i dunno.. maybe im jus not the 9-5 kinda ppl.. i prefer flexible hour.. but, i jus noe i cant.. i dun dare to go into any relationship right now.. coz, i dun dare to commit yet.. well, u need to have the money b4 u can have the girl, which is true.. i mean, u dun expect to pay AA when u go out with her right? and i can say im traditional thinking.. getting into a relationship means, thinking bout marriage in the future.. which means, u need to get a house, and money to feed ur wife.. and kids.. well.. thinking too much..

well, at least 2day, it got me thinking.. the presentation, the testimonies.. everything, made me realize one thing.. GOD IS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME.. and dats true..

and im proud of my youth... and a man, name Luke Chang.. i dun think he rmbs me.. i was in his church during my mission trip in RBS.. and, he was jus a small kid dat time.. cute, and cheerful.. 2day, i see a man of God, standing up on stage, sharing his testimony.. i can see his fear, but, the stuff he shares, is relevant.. how God change ppl's life, how God speaks to them.. its amazing..

oh well.. i need time to think.. on my future... wat do i really want in this life? i have a heart for college students, or, in RBS, where it touches me most.. rmb singing "great awakening" facing the forest.. i really really missed those times.. but, my time has past, its now the younger one turn..

when ppl reach the time they are working, got to think alot of stuff.. well.. im tired i guess..

anw.. happy chinese new year.. will be in sarawak for a week.. its good if i can take the week to rethink of my future.. where im heading.. i need a break.. from lots of stuff.. i dun wan to continue my life meaningless.. work, class, eat, sleep... im tired of it.. I NEED GOD..

ok.. long enuf, bored enuf, messy enuf.. well, my thoughts are messy 2nite..

from,
*PriestHead*

bandslam..

Bandslam.. a typical rockstar wannabe high skul kids.. dats the show all about.. normal storyline, normal plot, u can predict wats gonna happen next.. those kind of typical US high skul show.. but.. the one thing is different is den those normal other shows.. the cast they find, can really play and sing.. as in, real voice, live playing.. no joke.. well, is either they are real, or dey can really act well, and "play" according to the beat and timing and all.. dats the one good thing about the show..

the songs are, not bad, hmm.. quite good actually.. at least is original, but the song that pweety girl sing, its improvised.

the use of trumpet, trombone, sax, and cello in the band is darn freaking nice.. u hear the cello going solo.. whooo.. wat darn good combination they have.. freaking cool..

so yea.. its a good show.. oh btw, the drummer in the show, is really a drummer.. i mean.. in real life, he can play drums.... whoo...

welll... guess dats bout my movie preview.. well, if u are interested in music, dats a show to catch.. to realize ur rockstar wannabe dreams... like me..

well.. i dun recommend u to watch in cinema, grab a dvd... much cheaper.. in malaysia.. hahaha..