no more wishes...

well.. my wish totally blew up.. dunno shud i be sad bout it or wat.. but, din really wanna tok much bout it d.. its over... i guess...

at this moment, i kind of felt sad.. not sure why.. God really gave me a hard time to digest all of these stuff.. i tried, and tried, and tried..... but, there is ntg i can do.. i struggle, i prayed, i do watever i can... but life is like dat, u wont get all the things u want..

its the end 2molo.. i mean for the year.. and its like one year d.. we din tok very nicely for the past one year d.. everything changes.. i really dunno why do i still like her.. izzit really that i put too much feelings into dat relationship until i cannot pull myself up?? everyone says time can heal hurts, and feelings will lost.. but why am i still having dat stupid feelings in me??????!!!??? i really wanna let go.. i really wanna jus let it out.. at this present moment i had 3 assignments due in january.. and i have to go through lots of emotional struggles.. how la????!!!?!??!?!??!?!?

to tell the truth, i dun wanna enter into a new year wif this feelings.. but, looks like i have to......

anw, enuf of being emo.. Went to KLIA to sent Chen Wee off 2day.. well.. he left for new zealand for 6 months.. haha.. dunno why, but i felt emo too.. coz he is a fren, a teacher, a bandmate and a mentor to me... he left for holiday d.. dunno la.. well, he will be back... wif another person if possible.. hahaha...

but seeing someone important to the church left, is like, weird??? i dunno how to explain dat feeling.. is jus weird la..

i really dunno can i take up that position or not.. wif my heart too divided... i really wanna let it out.. but how??

WWJD, when face wif this situation???

I NEED AN ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

same day...

well.. got lots of wishes from my collegemate, church members, frens, high skul frens.. well.. i really appreciate it.. hehe.. thx alot once again..

i had a memorable bday 2day.. ppl celebrate their bday in malls, mamak, and other nice places.. but i celebrate my bday in church, cleaning up.. it was superb tiring.. haha.. but dunno why, i kind of enjoy it.. seeing everyone helping each other clean up the church, pouring out water from the baptism pool, vacuuming water(u actually can do dat).. shifting stuff from upstairs to down stairs.. and lots more.. really tired rite now..

but there is one more wish before the clocks hits 12... is too personal to write it here, but my cg gangsters shud noe wat i wish for.. haha.. if it is God's will.....

maybe i shud not hope for much.. i do had a fun time 2day.. thank u everyone.. especially my cg members.. u guys made my bday a memorable one.. especially dat "facial".. haha.. yang, can i have a pic on dat.. haha..

jus checked.. ntg.... maybe, nah.. nvm..

2molo will be my 1st day taking over chen wee's position as worship coordinator, pray dat God will guide me through.....

the day

went to teluk Gong yesterday for our cg outing.. it was fun.. eating and eating and eating.. one of the best seafood around town.. haha...

din really noe how to explain on wat happen dis morning at 12.. the whole bunch of ppl come to my hse wif a "bun" wif a candle.. i was like.. ok....... but im really happy.. haha.. though lots of stuff go through my face.. some weird "facial" on.. but it was fun.. haha.. though i din make it fun.. haha.. coz i was "cool" all the way... muahahahahaha...

but, wat i wish for 2day.. most likely wont come true.. i shall make the same wish again for next year... haha

1++ more days......

a day dat i've been waiting for one year... has finally arriving soon.. din noe wat to expect, so i will just wait..

watched a drama, dat episode is about this gurl coupleing wif another guy when her ex din treat her nice enuf, or like take her for granted like dat... so makes me thinks back on what happen last time.........

Christmas is the time when memories flashes back... sometimes, is jus so hard to let go when it keep coming to u...

The only hope i left now is God... Jesus Christ, which is the reason i live....

God, will U guide my way.. be the Light of my life...

Thank U God...

"Emo now, so will post other things dat happens 2day later..."

hay wire

haha.. Christmas eve service was not as good as i can think off.. the only thing dat was nice is the lightings.. dats the only thing nice.. i wont comment much on how the worship and drama thingy, coz it wasn't dat good.. i mean not them, but the small small technical stuff.. received alot of comments, good and not good.. but who cares.. its over, and im glad.. haha..

Things din go the way i wanted.. but, it was ok in some sense la.. we really need to practice more, and rehearsal more to get the feel of the things happening on dat day.. dats the thing i learn from all the mistakes i made..

slumber party was ok.. everyone was pretty tired after a long day.. so we slept at 4am.. after makan and some chit-chatting...

woke up at 11 something, watched cartoon network, went to uncle thin fook's hse for lunch, makan, sing song, and jus had meeting wif chen wee and chris for the worship ministry stuff..

Chen Wee is leaving soon.. well, i bet all of us will miss him.. though onli for 6 months.. haha.. he is a blessing for the church.. his talents is like WOW, and really, those times dat we come for jamming session at church on wed nite, that was the killer, bcoz of that, our skills improved..

anw.. those jokers will be going rbs 2molo.. hope they will experience God in a diff way.. haha..

ciaoing now, very tired, but dun think i will sleep.. the next question i had to ask myself again...

"wat to eat for dinner?"....

today is the day

well.. im feeling worried, exited, being sien(coz got 5 hrs break).. and many others mix feelings.. hmm.. dunno how 2nite will be?? hope it will be nice, and fun.. i hope.. haha..

well.. doing stupid things now.. i mean real stupid.. haha.. im feeling very the tired.. feel like sleeping d.. sure dat joker will put me to sleep in 20 minutes time.. haha..

anw..

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!

Christmas Eve......

2molo is Christmas eve.. yup.. and i will be playing bass for worship, and sound guy, and lighting guy.. haha.. have to rush after class to church 2molo to set up..

dunno why.. i felt scared/worried.. is jus not me.. i kinda felt lonely.. serious.. my mood is not really dat happy.. felt drained out.. and many not good feelings.. well.. i really dunno how am i going to react 2molo.. if there is a wish that confirm can be fulfilled.... i wish..... she will really enjoy herself.. rmb last year, funny year.. but at least i had fun..

i really thank God.. i actually can biasa without smsing her every single day.. i thot i would be siao for this whole year.. but i actually made it.. i kinda felt relieve.. God really pull me through when im in need.. Thank God..

yupz.. i really kinda felt lonely now.. hope a miracle will happen.. haha.. but my personal hope normally wont come true..

Im going give my best 2molo....... I promise I will......

Taman Desa Waterpark

it was fantastic as i can say.. but din manage to play the most interesting part.. haiz.. sorry ppl.. and now.. kena sun burned.. painful la my face and shoulder.. ouch..

haha... well i dunno how to explain wat we did 2day.. but wat i can say is FUN.. we actually can start a story based on the shots dat jon took.. haha..

looks like no more GIG

well... i dun think i will be playing d.. coz Luke din update me on anything, and the person din call.. so i suppose no la.. but its ok.. at least i have time to rest more.. quite tired dis few days..

anw.. i bet grace and maggie will jumping up and down when they saw the match between MU and Liverpool.. haha.. coz MU won.. well, for me i think the shot was a "kai" shot.. haha.. nvm nvm.. den had a fun time in tax class jus now coz keep on ejek mr kumar bcoz liverpool lost.. muahahaha.. dats funny.. now i got kaki d.. Yvoone and Zheng De.. keep on making fun of him.. haha.. maybe im such a bad influence in class.. hehe

anw.. really got to type out my essay plan for my assignment, if not, IM DEAD!!!

Christmas

as wat henry said, when u're getting older, christmas is not as happening as it used to be.. well.. since a kid, i loved christmas, well, not really bcoz Jesus came down to earth.. but i was exited bcoz of the gift i will received from my parents, and from church.. haha.. but, as days past, i began to view christmas differently.. Christmas became more personal, more indept den present.. i began to feel more grateful to God of such gift that has given to us.. for now, i still do not have mood for christmas bcoz, a bz week coming ahead.. well, have to give my assignment draft to my lecturer, den meeting for the buddy system thingy in my college, my performance, practice for christmas 2 morning in a row, tc outing.. and others la, which i cant rmb.. was really tired of running around yesterday.. getting gifts for the teens..

anw.. back to christmas.. yea, it was not really exiting, coz i dun have any wishes dat i would want, or any gifts im looking forward to get.. the only thing dat really exiting is my performance on wed nite, if everything is as planned.. the only thing is of coz "Christ"mas.. well, we wont celebrate His bday if He is not born.. that is the only reason dat i wanna fully focus on.. last time is to attract someone, but now, got a different mindset..

anw.. i've been praying hard bout my future, as in where does God wanna place me in next few years.. I really dunno, as i cant envision how my future will be like.. so jus go with the flow..

haiz.. have to go listen to some lawyer about wat writing a will.. well, my dad is not around, so ask me to go listen.. haiz.. dunno for wat..

ciao

Joker

i look at ur smiling face again.. its nice.. but, is not me who can make u smile.. im gone...........

GIG

finally had a change to do gig.. luke called me dis afternoon and ask me whether do i wanna perform in an annual dinner.. solo.. i mean acoustic solo.. well.. at 1st i was still thinking whether shud i agree or not.. but, it is a good experience for me.. since when do i have chance to perform like dis in an annual dinner.. haha.. well, yet to get any details from him.. but hope it will be great.. will be performing carols..

anw.. finally our cf assignment due date is 2molo... hope everything will be ok.. haha..

ciao..

not a really happy sunday..

2day.. wasn really quite good.. morning worship was well.. but was not really happy, due to some reason.. not bgr as most of u would think so.. den during tc worship, looks like i screwed up everything.. bcoz of some remarks dat i make.. but the atmosphere was so dead and we are singing "my redeemer's lives".. it suppose to be a happy song.. well, but when i "encourage" dem to sing wif a more happy mood, and some thing like dat, things got worst.. din really like d feeling of it.. but wat can i do.. jus have to accept dat.. somehow i felt wat i did dis year did not get much so called appreciation from other ppl, be it in church or in college.. especially in college.. nobody cares how u done it, they jus care about the results.. i've gone all out to ask most of the ppl on how they are doing their cashflow(some assignment thing), korek here and there, den wif Kiwi's help, finally done everything until nice nice.. but in the end, din noe how to cont.. but i really cant tahan.. haiz.. i din intend to be a free rider.. but they keep doing stuff on their own, din tell me anything, fine, den i might as well be a free rider on my report.. i left them when they are discussing.. coz i dun felt being there, somehow it jus like being "rejected".. and dat hurts..

i've been thinking.. how can i lead the worship team next year? i've been coming out wif crazy ideas, but din tell out.. is not a good judgment on my teens/worship team members, but, i somehow felt dat if they worship in TC wif d tak ape attitude, dey are not ready to really play in main service.. actually, there is one thing which im scared when i take up the post.. dat is ppl wont agree wif the way i do things.. or maybe i would say they dun like me taking up d post.. u see, im jus a young kid, will they backed my up.. i oso fear dat they will think i will simply use my "power" as a worship coordinator.. if i start to "shoot" those ppl, coz i was not really happy wif their attitude in serving, they might think dat "isaac is simply using his power to scold me, coz im not his fren" or something like dat.. argh.. dat sucks.. wat i really want is to have ppl to enjoy serving God, and at the same time being serious wif Him.. i think there is only one thing different between our worship team and hillsong's worship team.. dat is when hillsongs play, they play all out.. which is giving their best.. dats why they are succesful.. if we play without giving our best, wats the point of playing.. if we sing without giving our best, wats the point of singing.. if we do not meant wat we sing, wat for we wanna sing out the words.. if ppl cant see how important this ministry is, i really got ntg to say.. i cant do it without my team support.. i really cant.. its a one man show thingy.. maybe my ideas are jus too ambitious.. i hope.. at least, their attitude towards worship will change.. who am i?? nobody..

really emo rite now.. i din noe wat to do.. felt left out.. no one to turn to.. onli Jesus.. thank u God for being wif me.. seriously.. i dun think im a good fren, teacher, musician, and a leader.. i screwed up most of my stuff..

im such a joker...

im tired..

Yesterday i dreamt something i shud nt dream about.. i woke up having a blur face.. dunno wat is happening to me.. den next, go college, having discussion.. feeling tired of arguing bout points, and at this point of time, i would really want to be a free rider.. serious.. im tired of doing this assignment, finding how to do dat &^*()^% cash flow really makes me wanna die d.. somemore now keep on arguing wif my group members, i felt tired.. din wanna tok bout dis assignment d.. if my cash flow is wrong, there is one more group cash flow will be wrong.. and i will feel bad for the rest of my life, coz teaching them the wrong thing.. argh!!!.. since they want to do it this way, up to dem.. i did my part.. and dats all..

anw.. jus tired and plain emo..

year 2008..

after watching some music video of hillsongs, like point of difference, hosanna, and breakfree, there is one statement/phrase going in my mind.. that is "building a bunch of musicians that fear God, will play their best, and will be the difference in their circles of friends".. this will be my motto for next year, or wat they called, mission statement (thx to Management Accounting assignment).. its really important for musicians to live a life dat is honorable to God.. this is the area which im weak in.. really weak in, i fall into temptation, and i realise dat God does not want this to happen.. i really need to change, with God's help coz i cant do it alone..

for SWCC musicians or worship team members who are reading this post, i hope dat we will actually strive our best to be a person that fear God, who has the right attitude towards God in our serving.. we are serving God, not serving ourselves.. I pray dat during this year, we will build a strong team.. a very very strong team.. not group.. Group is a bunch of ppl jus gathering there.. but a team is a bunch of ppl who have the same common goal and the bonding among team members.. let us be the difference, the light among all other darkness.. If God is for us, who will be against us.. Let us breakfree.. breakfree from our bondage, comfort zone, and all those which is holding us back.. and let us praise God in the highest.. dis 3 songs really speaks to me.. and lead us to the Cross, which is where our 1st love is, which is Jesus dying for us.. let us united, as we stand against the enemy that will pull us back.. and let there be a revival in our land.. dat is what we want to see.. it will be great if u all are in this together.. we might lack of musicians next year, but, let us not be discourage bcoz of dat, coz God will provide, and we will make do wif wat we have.. one guitarist, let there be one, one drummer for the next 10 years, let there be one.. the number does not hinder us from serving God.. if there are onli 10 ppl in the church service, are u going to play as if there are onli 10 ppl, or are u gonna play as if there are 100 or 1000s of ppl?? are u willing to see wif eyes of faith??

think as this year is coming to an end.. dis year is good.. but, do we want to be better??

"God, as we continue to serve u, continue to give u our best, i pray, U bless each one of us, keep us united, and play as a team.. not a group.. In Jesus Name, Amen.."

crazy stuff

yesterday, i really felt my hse was like a hotel.. onli yesterday.. coz after my class, i stay back until like 12 something in the morning, den bath and everything.. den go sleep, den wake up, and go class.. i mean like is like a normal hotel.. haha..

basically cant really opened my eyes rite now, and i think i sort of had "hang over", coz i felt dizzy rite now.. must be due to not enuf sleep.. i think.. haiz.. tired tired...

anw.. brain jam.. oh ya.. i did another crazy thing again.. which is driving my kancil at 130km/h.. well, coz too sleepy, din realise i drive fast.. haha..

finally realised

finally.. i've learn how to let go.. based on alot of incident, dat makes me think, and rethink, and maybe is time.. is time to let go..

there is one thing i cant seems to forget.. her happy, feeling kind of joyful looks.. i can nv forget that.. but when i come to think of it, i realised dat i cant make her have dat kind of looks.. i cant seems to make her happy like how i did last time.. no matter how hard i tried, it jus failed.. but when she was reading her sms, dat look on her face, makes me wonder.. and there is this voice.. "hey, look at her smile, is dat wat u are trying to make to do?? but u cant, if other ppl can make her smile, why dun u jus let go of her and let her be happy all the time.. wat u r trying to do now is making her more sad, the more smses u sent, the more upset she will be.. she is more upset, u will be upset, wats the point if everyone is upset?? if u really love her, u must not let that smile be away from her.." den i realise, im doing stupid things all of dis 2 years.. i din make her smile, laugh, that joyful feeling.. but instead, im giving her more pressure.. her smile makes me go after her in the beginning, but, it makes me wanna stop now.. she had the sweetest smile ever.. for me la.. if i dun care bout her, can make her smile more, why not?? in the end, to love a person is to make her happy.. u dun care can make her happy, den dun care.. dats the only way left..

and ppl, i think i tok bout this understanding ur partner topic alot of time.. but i really think, this is one of the most important aspect in the relationship besides God.. a relationship is good or bad, is based on how "understandable" are u towards ur the other half.. if u cant understand her, no point.. and this is wat she told me last time, which i think is true.. "if u wanna noe whether the other person is ur true one, jus see whether u can tolerate his worst habit.. if u can, he/she is the one, if u cant, forget it and look for other ppl".. i guess she cant tolerate my worst habit..

this are some of the things which i had in mind about BGR.. is really good to have a very good experience, and a bad one.. it makes u grow, change ur perspective.. i hope it change her too..

Signning off
jOkEr

i really like ur smile, keep smilling.. coz u look the best.. i dun bluff u, i nv did it to u..

headache

haiz.. din have enuf rest.. haiz.. wat a joker la me.. so now im so freaking tired.. until got headache.. thank God there is panadol.. well, at least now not so painful like dis morning.. haiz.. cham cham cham..

anw.. class starting liao.. ya, for u who has astro movie, go and watch the show "accepted".. i forgotten when it is showing, but i can assure u, its a nice movie to watch..

ciao

Signning off
jOkEr

i got headache.. how are u?? feeling ok??

Retreat

wow.. we had our tc's student comm retreat.. well, i wont write so much here.. coz u can actually read more from my other frens punya blog.. coz too many exiting happens, and as u read from there, u can see how they view this retreat in their perspective.. well, mine is not so important, coz im too tired to think... haha.. anw.. really learned alot, makes me use up every juices of brain fluids i had, and i did quite ok in giving a sermon.. maybe i shall be a pastor.. nah.. i will bored those jokers up..

anw.. fun is the thing i can say bout this.. had to rush through my assignments after class 2molo.. if not.... we are doom!!!!.. well, we are soon to be doom actually.. really getting fed up of those meetings.. dunno la.. i prefer working wif those ppl from group 2.. not to say my group is not good, but preference...

anw.. think i gtg now.. its getting late.. very late i mean..

ciao

Signning off
jOkEr

i had fun.. do u?? i hope u do.. well, can see from ur face, u did...