not a really happy sunday..

2day.. wasn really quite good.. morning worship was well.. but was not really happy, due to some reason.. not bgr as most of u would think so.. den during tc worship, looks like i screwed up everything.. bcoz of some remarks dat i make.. but the atmosphere was so dead and we are singing "my redeemer's lives".. it suppose to be a happy song.. well, but when i "encourage" dem to sing wif a more happy mood, and some thing like dat, things got worst.. din really like d feeling of it.. but wat can i do.. jus have to accept dat.. somehow i felt wat i did dis year did not get much so called appreciation from other ppl, be it in church or in college.. especially in college.. nobody cares how u done it, they jus care about the results.. i've gone all out to ask most of the ppl on how they are doing their cashflow(some assignment thing), korek here and there, den wif Kiwi's help, finally done everything until nice nice.. but in the end, din noe how to cont.. but i really cant tahan.. haiz.. i din intend to be a free rider.. but they keep doing stuff on their own, din tell me anything, fine, den i might as well be a free rider on my report.. i left them when they are discussing.. coz i dun felt being there, somehow it jus like being "rejected".. and dat hurts..

i've been thinking.. how can i lead the worship team next year? i've been coming out wif crazy ideas, but din tell out.. is not a good judgment on my teens/worship team members, but, i somehow felt dat if they worship in TC wif d tak ape attitude, dey are not ready to really play in main service.. actually, there is one thing which im scared when i take up the post.. dat is ppl wont agree wif the way i do things.. or maybe i would say they dun like me taking up d post.. u see, im jus a young kid, will they backed my up.. i oso fear dat they will think i will simply use my "power" as a worship coordinator.. if i start to "shoot" those ppl, coz i was not really happy wif their attitude in serving, they might think dat "isaac is simply using his power to scold me, coz im not his fren" or something like dat.. argh.. dat sucks.. wat i really want is to have ppl to enjoy serving God, and at the same time being serious wif Him.. i think there is only one thing different between our worship team and hillsong's worship team.. dat is when hillsongs play, they play all out.. which is giving their best.. dats why they are succesful.. if we play without giving our best, wats the point of playing.. if we sing without giving our best, wats the point of singing.. if we do not meant wat we sing, wat for we wanna sing out the words.. if ppl cant see how important this ministry is, i really got ntg to say.. i cant do it without my team support.. i really cant.. its a one man show thingy.. maybe my ideas are jus too ambitious.. i hope.. at least, their attitude towards worship will change.. who am i?? nobody..

really emo rite now.. i din noe wat to do.. felt left out.. no one to turn to.. onli Jesus.. thank u God for being wif me.. seriously.. i dun think im a good fren, teacher, musician, and a leader.. i screwed up most of my stuff..

im such a joker...