exams!!

went to audit extra tutorial session dis morning.. well, thank God i woke up on time jus to get there.. sit there, listening to wat mahathir have to teach.. and learn something... i hope...

after class, went to pyramid coz those rich kids wanna go there makan.. so tag along.. after that, they all keep toking bout which subject they are weak at and keep on toking and toking.. well, it really do stress me out.. coz they are smart kids and they are worried bout studies.. and me, who is not smart at all, still haven start studying... oh my goodness.. the world have changed!!!

well.. really dunno how am i going to do dis time around...

tiredness

sometimes, i wish im not that emo.. well, sometimes i jus hope that i dun think too much..

fear....... is the thing that is in me rite now.. but not to worry, is what Jesus has tells us to do.. coz God will provide, and God will surely take care of us...

sadness..... is also in me rite now.. but not to worry, is what God has command us to do...

wat is the thing dat God i wanna ask to to provide for me this week??
answer: answer to all my questions.. and also provide me wif concentration to study...

alot of things is still haunting me.. telling me dat i shud have done better.. i shud have done it the other way.. i shud have start studying..

sometimes i jus dun understand why ppl like to make fun or make a joke around me.. haha... i really dunno why.. i admit im slow, tok nonsense at times.. blur.. well... dat maybe the reasons.. but somehow, i began to learn how to be patience.. how to be quiet.. i learn that when i dun argue back or tok back to ppl in a harsh way, i dun make these things got worst... maybe im jus passive about stuff... im not an outgoing person.. most of the time if im out yum cha wif frens, im the most quiet person there.. even got once my fren even kutuk me kao kao but i still keep quiet without saying anything to reply him.. maybe previous experience makes me feels insecure.. and the most recent case is that i make a fren angry, and i dun even noe what happens until she told me..

previous failure makes me worried bout my exams.. wat if i fail again?? sometimes when i enter the exam hall, i somehow felt scared.. scared i cant do well... and that fear is in me for nearly 2 years now... i do not want to fail again.. i do not want to waste my parents money again.. previous relationship makes me scared to start a new relationship.. previous failures is still haunting me...

why?? i have ntg to say.......

this post basically is jus wat i thought.. it is without a flow.. coz everything is stuck in my head........ i felt restless most of the time... i really want to study.. but, i dunno is laziness or really there is something that i still cant let go... i noe that if i still let the past hold me back, i cant do well in my studies...

i need a new life Lord....... pls renew my life... let the past be the past... but i noe, without getting the answers bout wat happen previously, i cant fully let go of it..................................

pics from the rally...

the only way i can get the pics from the rally is copy and paste from Grace's blog... yea.. so thank her.. and i wonder how can she take those pics while singing on stage.. haha.. nvm........ so here are some.. and thx mabel too...



the worship team on that day.... a 10 piece band.. wif our "pofesionale" sound engineer.. Thomas...







Singers: Me, Julian, Grace, Lauren
Guitars: Ariel(electric), Maggie(acoustic)
Bass: Yang
Drums: Jon Woo
Piano: Mabel
Sound: Thomas

Those ppl are great.. except for me dat i din control the flow properly.. and make it sounds so weird.. sorry ppl... until now it still haunt me dat i din do good.... haiz...






notice that fat guy in the middle wif black tie... dats me...












wat really encourage me is the ppl who are worshiping... the crowd looks small.. but it was awesome.. see Juwita there.. yea.. really encourage when i see her worshiping God together.. really encourage to see a artist worshiping God...













Yea.. a pic of me and Juwita Suwito... she is awesome.. she got awesome voice... although i can onli hear her sing her last song.. but i get to hear her sing "umbrella" on friday during her sound check.. wow... dunno how to describe...

study leave...

exams is coming.. and i have not gotten the mood to start taking up my books and start studying.. things inside me is jus so hard to get away wif... really wonder.. why do i have to feel all sort of funny things..

sometimes i jus do not wan to care.. and i dun wanna think about it... and i jus dun wan tok about it.. i jus wanna leave it like dat.. coz, no point for me to do anything d......

i din meant to make her angry.. but i somehow did wif my actions and words.. is dis wat a Christian shud do??

i felt so alone.................................

i cant wait to start all over again..... but, i need answers to some of my unanswerable questions...

i really dunno how am i suppose to start studying and focus on my studies.. burdens are there.. maybe my faith is not so strong..

a joker now cant joke around, cant make ppl laugh, and cant focus on his studies.. and most important of all, sometimes left God out of the picture in his life.. this joker.. haha................... dunno how to say.. maybe this is wat everyone will go through in their life... and now is the time for this joker to go through it..

stupid stuff

wanted to write bout this yesterday but my mind was filled wif too many stuff, so i din write bout dat.. i dunno why.. after i have played or sing in a event.. like National GIG during 2006, good friday dis year, and yesterday CU rally, i felt empty, tired, but somehow satisfied.. i do not noe how to explain that feeling... but after the whole event ended, im jus too tired to tok, too moody to do anything.. i jus dun have the mood to go anywhere... everytime oso like dat.. so is really really weird.. i mean normally ppl will be so gang ho after all that hype and all, but im jus different.. and normally, dis will last for few days.. and dats why in church i have no mood oso... jus wanted to be quiet...

haiz... there are still lots of stuff going on... exams coming, but i cant seem to focus on my studies.. there are so many distraction, so many things going on in my head which i dunno how to handle... alot of internal problems in me... i jus cant figure out how am i going to focus on my studies if i have so many things going inside me... argh!!.. and my exams is jus next week.. not this coming week.. and i have 2 papers back to back.. i really dunno how am i going to study properly.. how am i going to get 2nd upper...... wat is this????????????? pressure is there.. but those pressure add on wif my problems, gives me more stress... the more i think, the more confuse i am..

overstressed!!!!!!! maybe im jus too tired... too many things filled up my heart.. makes me hard to concentrate... things has been going bad for me and one of my closest fren... misunderstanding dat makes it like dat.. i din noe it will go so bad.. until things jus pop up yesterday..

Lord, can u jus teach me wat to do..............................................

CU rally

the worship team for this year assunta inter-cf-school rally is a living testimony declaring God's grace and help and many more blessing to us.. the worship team is form in one day.. and... we onli have 2 practices, which we are rushing through most of the time.. but if we give God our best, we will use all means to bless us back.. and in fact, we are blessed by the ppl who helped us.. in fact, im really glad that Thomas is doing PA for us, as he is the pro, and really thank him for all the equipments that he brought from his church.. and dats crazy... haha.. and really thank God for cars.. coz we have to carry dunno 3 amps, the drumset, mics, guitars......

is my 1st time worship lead in a rally.. there are things and words that i dunno how to do or say... i was like, wat shud i do to get the ppl into God's presence.. but i realise is not my job, is the job of the Holy Spirit... one thing that really surprise me is that the teacher advisor, who look so angry on friday.. came up to us dis morning during our sound check and say.. "dis is a worship, not battle of the bands. Let us pray".. and she pray a very powerful prayer, and i guess thats the thing that keep us focus, and not showing off...

and im sad to say dat no one person from taman sea came.. i was like, wat the heck... those jokers!!!!!!

like wat mr canada say, dis is the 1st time a rally he saw so many girls in front.. coz normally the guys will move up.. but maybe is a girls skul... so girls power i guess.. haha... and yea.. the crowd response is good.. really enjoy every moment of it... and yea... ppl say i look like a school boy wif my white shirt and a tie on.. hahahahahaha...

the best thing is juwita suwito was there!!!!.. but too bad i can onli hear her singing her last song.. coz was out to get the refreshment wif lauren.. well... thank God that a car is moving out when we are looking for parking, so we do not need to walk so far.. and thank God that the owner of the shop allow us to pay part of the money 1st bcoz.... both of us got not enuf money... haha.. really thank God for dat.. and guess wat.. though i did not get to hear her sing.. i still get to shake hands wif her... and have a pic wif her too... hahaha.. jon, where is the pic, and mabel's camera too........ haha..

i hope we have impact the ppl who came dis year round..........

sparks of fire.....

2day is a fruitful and encouraging day for me as i met up wif Jane, Luke, and Iris during dinner.. at 1st i jus thought of a dinner and dats all.. but den, when we start to share on how each one of us has done in our own churches, really amazed me.. its really to good to have a group of ppl who are from different church, but share the same vision, dat is to see Malaysian step up for their faith.. really.. its really encouraging to hear youths in FBC, wants to be youth pastors.. Youth in CBC ready to take up responsibility, and Jane is mentoring her mentee in the way of the Lord..

Jane, Iris, and Luke are the ppl who serve along side me in Campus City during ps ryan's leadership.. we are the few at that time who is not from acts church.. and i think... no i believe, as we serve in CC at that time, ps ryan really mentor us and teach us to be who we are today.. especially for Luke and Iris, who started work, but still readily serve in their respective ministry as they see a need there.. really, to hear how they encourage their youths, how they spend time wif them, and to build a strong relationship between them and the youths, really makes me question myself that am i doing that.. am i spending quality time wif them and am i showing a good examples to them.......... and for Jane, who commit her saturday to do one on one mentoring, to disciples the campus student in her church, and to prepare a way to start a campus ministry, really makes me amazed by her willingness for God to use her to start something new in her church.. and i believed her mentee will surely be bless bcoz of her heart that willing to serve God..

Having these 3 ppl as my co-workers, really makes me feel happy dat im not straying away from what God has instill for malaysians.... i believe a time of change has come.. are we ready to change and be better, and be readily use by God for his glory??

I am ready, use me Lord........

Are U ready??????? Are u willing to be the sparks of fire to influence the ppl around u?? Are u willing to stand up for the truth?? Are u willing to lose everything for the sake of Jesus Christ?? Are u willing to give up everything u have, for the glory of God to come?? Are u willing to sacrifice your time to spend time with God and the ppl around u, to disciple them and to build them up?? Are we ready for all these??

I am ready, use me Lord.......

This is the time that Christians in Malaysia will rise up!!!!!!!! And there, will be a GREAT REVIVAL happens all around this place...

my new goal...

i have found a new goal in my life.. dat is to go study diploma in worship ministry in Hillsongs International College..

worship and music has been a very big part of my life.. from the day i start to play the guitar, i know i can use it for something greater.. and from the time i start to hold the mic and sing, i noe, God can use me for something far more than this..

I really hope i can achieve this goal... coz.. i really wanna noe more about this area of ministry... and Hillsong's worship ministry is one of their church main goal, that is to reach out wif their music... i really pray that God will bring me there one day.....

all is being said..

jus met up wif my lecturer to discuss on wat is wrong wif my assignment.. found out why d.. and seriously, i got no dispute over it.. i was kinda down after i noe my results.. well.. that sucks.. and there are times i really dunno how to handle.. sometimes, i jus want to be alone, somewhere.. but, there is not many places i can be alone..

anw.. 2day will be my last time practicing in Campus City.. or U campus movement.. den 2molo will be the last day.. i was quite sad actually, but i have to praise God that they are moving on to a better chapter... well.. so now basically, i have my wed and thurs afternoon free... dats quite weird coz normaly dat will be the time i will be very bz.. sounds weird la.. but, after serving around 3 years there, felt weird.. but i will still wish them all the best in their UFO (U @ 5 o'clock).. yupz...

kinda tired right now.. din have much sleep again after knowing my stupid results.. but that is life.... i cant do anything to change it already... i jus pray that i will do well in my finals, and try to do better in my resit assignment..

dats basically it i think...................

failure.....

before toking on dat....

List out Top 5 present you wish for:

1. A Fender 5 string bass

2. A Mini Cooper

3. A Desktop PC

4. A Mac Book

5. 1 million dollars to get those stuff above

The person who tag me is Maggie...

Your 5 impressions of Maggie:

1. quiet at times

2. sometime speaks word of wisdom i can say

3. She plays guitar like semi-pro

4. big fan of my "enemy"

5. can tok crap.. at last..

Most Memorable Things he/she has Give/Done for You

hahahaha.... good question... erm... ntg i guess...

The Most Memorable Words he/she said to You

hahahahah.. another good question... ntg...

If he/she becomes your lover,

hmm.. i dun wanna think of dat..

If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be

she insult AC Milan until very bad...

Pass the quiz to 5 people that you wish to know how they feel about you

1) Yang

2) Jon Woo

3) Hoc Leong

4) Jean Anne

5) Grace Lim (kena her again)

1. Who is no.3 having relationship with?

his computer

2. Who is no.5 having relationship with?

her handphone

3. If no.3 and no.2 are together, will it be a good thing?

they are not gay... ish.. cant think of that to happen..

4. What about no.4 and no.5?

haha.. dat will be the worst case scenario..

5. When is the last you chatted with no.5?

yesterday.....

6. Does no.4 work?

still studying la..

7. Do you have any cousin in his/her own school?

no...

8. Will you be with no.1?

nope.... im not gay...

9. How about no.5?

no...

10. How did you get to know about no.2 and no.4?

from church

11. Where does no.1 live at?

somewhere near my college

12. Is no.5 the sexiest person in the world?

hahahahaha... another very good question... nope...



k.. dat tag is from maggie... dunno why on earth did she tagged me... haha.. nvm, since i got some time... so jus do it lo..

yea.. back to my topic..... failure...

i jus got back my audit assignment marks.. well, i failed.. most likely have to redo my assignment again... i was kinda prepare of it already.. so, it did not really struck me.. anw, when i was driving to boon's hse jus now, i was thinking on why God allow failure to be there... when i was jus thinking bout it, God jus told me dat, if i din create failure, ppl will forgot who God is, and who is in control.. i was like, why do u say dat... jus a scenario..

when everything was going so smoothly for a person, he will somehow forget what God has done for him, as in giving him and helping him do his assignments.. when we do things without God in the picture, it will be a failure already.. is bcoz when we want to do something properly, God must be there with us.. one way to stop a person of being so proud of him or herself, is to let him undergo failure, den he will learn how to be humble..

when i know of this, i began to think when i was doing my audit assignment..... i did not pay much attention to it, i din pray when i was doing my assignment, i din commit to God my assignment, and basically i was doing it with my own strength. God was not in the picture... therefore, i cant blame God for failing me, but i can only blame myself for the pride in me and that i left God out completely of my assignments...

this principle does not only apply to studies, it actually applies to all areas of our lives, be it private life or ministry that we are serving in.. for relationship... when we do not have God in the center of the relationship, it will somehow breaks.. yes, at 1st ppl might commit their relationship to God and all.. but when everything go on smoothly, and they began to leave God out of the pic, then the problems start coming.. they dunno how to handle conflict, dunno how to handle arguments, and finally jus broke up like dat.. such a waste.. i have seen couples, jus breaking off like dat.. don't they know is hard to find someone who u love him or her and she or he loves u back...

well, these is the principle i learn from God 2day.. yea, i have to resit the assignment.. but i felt kinda relief.. maybe is the right move for God to fail me.. so i do not fall into pride...

another monday...

ouch... my stomach muscles still hurts after i went the California fitness last friday.. quite tiring.. haha.. but it jus a trial, it was ok, but i decided not to join bcoz of some reasons la... haha...

yesterday open worship was ok.. i guess is better than morning worship.. haha.. i think la... but somehow, i think i screwed up most of the things there... haiz.. wat to do.......

ntg much to say... ya...

I BOUGHT THE NEW HILLSONGS UNITED CD!!!!!!!!!

It was .....AWEEEEESOMEEEEEEE...

haiz...

hmm... i dun usually do these things, but i kind of like this wan.. so i decide to do it....


rules:
1. name 5 people you can think of right off the top of your head.
2. don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 5 people.
3. randomly list the names. no cheating!

the 5 people:
1) Hoc Mun
2) Aik Chinn
3) Zheng Yang
4) Jean
5) Maggie



questions:
1. how did you meet 1?
erm... we are same class since sunday skul....

2. on a scale of 1 -10 how would you rate your friendship with 1?
9 la... (give face abit)

3. how long have you known 4?
Since she was a kid i think.. but nv tok to her until she is my student

4. how do you know number 3?
in college...

5. wheres 5?
i dunno... shud be at home gua... since she dun hang out late...

6. a fact about number 1?
He is tallllll!!!

7. who is 4 going out with?
With her Pentax, dunno wat model...

8. what does 1 do for a living?
He study..... i think la... hahaha

9. would you live with number 3?
nah... i dun think he will want either...

10. what do you like about number 2?
hmm... hard question.. can i say his brains...

11. do you miss number 5?
haha.. nope...

12. would you make out with number 4?
my parents and her parents will come after me.. so forget bout it..

13. what's your opinion of number 2?
he toks crap all the time... i mean most of the time..

14. what's your favorite memory with number 5?
not much memory wif her... hmm... maybe jamming those solos wif her and grace..

15. what would you do if number 1 and 2 were going out?
they dunno each other... and they are not gay...

16. ever had a long conversation with 5?
not quite long... but tok crap over msn bout MU and AC...

17. have you ever slept at 2's house?
nope... but he came over to my hse b4...

18. do you hang out with 3 a lot?
since he is my college buddy, so most of the time we go out lunch... and no. 2 as well..

19. who have you known the longest?
no.1.. coz i noe him since standard 1...

20. how often do you talk to 1?
last time yes.. but now seldom coz he seldom come back...

21. what about 2?
we tok crap everyday in college..

22. have you ever thought 3 more then a friend?
yea.. good fren...

23. would you go out for a date with 5?
nope.. if i do so, i have lots of explanation to do...

24. do you dream about 2?
nope...

25. what did no 4 did to you that you can never forget?
she like to tok nonsense in my class...

26. what have you done for 1 that the person never forget?
hahaha.... er... ntg i guess... sorry hoc mun...

27.what's 3 hobby?
well... i not sure... but one of it is sing k...

28. tag 5 people
haha.. i think im the last person who is doing this tag....


kinda tired after badminton.. cant beat hoc leong and woon seong.. crazy la they all.. we keep on losing like crazy...

class starting 2molo.. come to think of it.. i have one more month b4 my finals.. den i will have 4 months break... den will start my 3 and final year.. time really flies... rmbering last year when i 1st started my course, i mean last last year... its kinda funny when now im graduating next year... and seriously, i dunno wat is coming ahead of me in the future... will i be an accountant?? can i even pass my degree?? wat is working life about?? how will my life be in the future?? will i still be serving God, or fall out?? or maybe switch church??

all these question keeps on coming to me... and i really wonder how the answer would be... i kinda scared, afraid of wats going to come... after few incidents dat happens to me, i kinda lost confidence in the things im doing.. there is me at one point, where everything jus goes well wif me... good grades, good..... u noe.... and even great frens around me... thats the time where my life is on top.. im more open then... and really tok more to ppl at that time...

but jus few months later, everything start to decline.. from top to worst.. and i tell u, that feeling is kinda suck.. i jus dun feel ok wif it.. everything change in a sudden.. 180 degrees of changes in my life.. and to tell the truth, no offence to anyone, i kinda feel left out in the sense... last time when ps ryan was leading CC, the bonding is so strong among the ppl who are serving.. and dat time, im one of the many non-acts member serving there.. when acts so called take-over CC, or i can say, make it one of their direct ministry, i dunno how to put it in words.. is good actually, but now i can say the only non-acts member on the worship team, is sometime hard for me to communicate.. coz when they meet each other, they have their inside joke to laugh about.. and me, have no idea of anything, kind of feel left out.. well, no offence to anyone.. maybe is jus me who felt this way.. coz after those incident, which makes my life feel miserably bad, i kinda more quiet than last time.. most of the time when we go out yum cha and all, i will most likely be the most quiet person there.. is kinda weird.. but, jus dun feel like toking sometimes...

after much incidents, i kinda scared of wats going to come.. although we can plan and plan and plan.. but sometimes things jus work out the same as we wanted it to be...

but throughout all these things that happens, God promises began to take place when He said in Jeremiah, that "I have a plan for u......." kinda forget wat the verse says, but the meaning is that God has plan everything for us... and everything that he plan is for our own good... even if troubles seems to be so hard to overcome, but wif God's help, we are able to overcome...

therefore, life is not easy.. but i pray dat God presence will be wif all of us....

1st day of holiday

yes... is my 1st day of holiday in my one week break... haha... woke up late, sleep after lunch... and wake up to do my bsf homework last minute... den go for dinner, go bsf, eat supper... watch tv, den online... haha...

was checking Kenny Sia's blog... den realize there is a funny conversation going on the cbox... so i read la... seeing this ppl scolding here and there... ya... so add some of my points there... den left... but quite funny la... haha... tok hokkien, den canto.... weird bunch of ppl...

hmm.. things really going on my mind 2day... i had a weird dream.....

it started when my parents so called arrange a gurl for me, and to follow me and my family for a trip to duno where la... when i found out, i was furious, bcoz i dun like dat gurl.... and at that point as i can rmb, and felt that.... i was thinking bout "her"... den i woke up... figuring wat has happen??

well... i dunno wat happen.... maybe the best thing i can do is..... dun care..... (i hope i can)....


life is not easy...........